1963 Dodge Dart !!! Wahoo!

Cue the Lucas Jokes!

"And the Lord said 'let there be light'...Joseph Lucas replied 'no way, Lord, no way'."

"I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou..."

A friend of mine told everybody he never had any electric problems with his Lucas equipment. Today he lives in the countryside, in a large manor with lots of friendly servants around him an an occasional ice cold shower...

A Land Rover doesn´t leak oil, it marks it´s territory. Did you hear about the man whose Land Rover didn't leak oil? The factory took it back and worked on it until it did.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

Back in the 70's, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.

Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

In the 1980's Lucas tried to get into the newly burgeoning PC market, but they discontinued the product when they couldn't make it leak oil.

It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness".

Lucas Factory motto, put in a good day's work then home before dark.

Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices.

Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.

Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

Not many people know that Land Rovers attempted to market a computer. Why did they stop? They could not find a way to get it to leak oil!

Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators

Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting:" Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant.."

The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.

The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

Why are there no skyscrapers in London? Lucas makes elevators

Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too.

Why is there no death penalty in England? Lucas makes electric chairs.

How to make AIDS disappear? Give it a Lucas parts number.

Lucas dip-switch positions: LOW and BLOW

Recently, Lucas won out over Bosch to supply the electrical for the new Volkswagons. So, now the cars from the Black Forest will come with electrics supplied by the Lord of Darkness -- how appropriate!

Why didn't the Germans bomb the Lucas plants during WWII? The Germans considered Lucas an ally.

Lucas jokes: black humor

Joseph's Mother claimed that he had very high potential, but it is currently believed that Joseph had high resistance to this circuitous explanation.

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